You're a womanizer and a bitch.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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