I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
