i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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