I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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