I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
