I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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