We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
