So gin and wine won't be happening again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
