we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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