I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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