You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
