she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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