i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
