i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
