I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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