Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
