the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
