Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
