I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
