He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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