she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
