Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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