I seem to have left my pride at pride
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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