Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
