You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
