It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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