you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
be right there i have to get my cape
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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