First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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