i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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