We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
