Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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