I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
