he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
