we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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