WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
