i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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