The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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