I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
