Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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