Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
