I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
