Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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