Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
