worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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