I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i dont even know how to be here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
