I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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