Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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