Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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