I wish I only lived at night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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