The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
